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Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Monday, July 27, 2009
PHANTOM OF FOLLY
For the past few weeks I have been learning more about a struggle that a friend of mine is currently enduring. As I've listen to her heart when she speaks of the events that have brought her to the place she is in emotionally, her words aroused a dormant memory I have been carrying around inside of me for several years. It is a memory that I tucked away deep down inside of me but now find it confronting me again today.
Yes, I remember.
First there were the sleepless nights where the brain would not shut down. I would toss and turn with anxiety as my mind tried to make sense out of those things that were senseless. Where rivers of tears wanted to flow from my heart to my pillow, I could not allow it....he told me I had nothing to cry about. Crying is for the weak. Crying could cause him to injure me again. Quickly I learned to automatically dismiss any desires to allow the tears to fall with their healing power. I found it to be less painful than what consequences would follow had I allowed them. Finally the day arrived where I was able to once and for all escape from my tragic situation. What a relief it was, mixed with fear; a freedom had arrived, but some chains remained; I
longed to let the tears cascade from my eyes, but had forgotten how. Sleep had returned, and the nightmares accompanied it. This nighttime intruder I named
Yes, I remember.
First there were the sleepless nights where the brain would not shut down. I would toss and turn with anxiety as my mind tried to make sense out of those things that were senseless. Where rivers of tears wanted to flow from my heart to my pillow, I could not allow it....he told me I had nothing to cry about. Crying is for the weak. Crying could cause him to injure me again. Quickly I learned to automatically dismiss any desires to allow the tears to fall with their healing power. I found it to be less painful than what consequences would follow had I allowed them. Finally the day arrived where I was able to once and for all escape from my tragic situation. What a relief it was, mixed with fear; a freedom had arrived, but some chains remained; I
longed to let the tears cascade from my eyes, but had forgotten how. Sleep had returned, and the nightmares accompanied it. This nighttime intruder I named
The Phantom of Folly
The day announced its end as the sun descended into the mysteries that lay beneath the horizon. As darkness moves in spreading his cold blanket over her world, the nighttime brings with it a beast, an eerie stalker, a creature of gloom. No longer does the light of the moon illuminate the skies in her life or light a path at her feet leading a journey to the horizon, an unlimited space whose voice was freedom. But the beast of the night invades her slumber. The phantom of folly paints night pictures using her defenseless mind for his canvas. Harsh strokes of his brush fabricate ghosts of her past. Fallacious artistry authored by the skilled phantom inflict deeper anguish into her heart and soul as the raging war plays out in the reality designed by the nighttime intruder. Tears trail down her fallen countenance. Wrestling with the beast of the night she cries out in the dark to reclaim her freedom; a freedom to heal; a freedom to rest; a cry to flee from the imposing invasion of the distress and harm of the nighttime vision. Aroused from restless slumber she finally escapes, her pillow dampened by the sorrow that streamed from her eyes as the phantom of folly performed in the night.
So it was, I had learned to cry again even though it was during my sleep.
And the healing began.
Lynn
Copyright 2000
Saturday, July 18, 2009
SOLITARY SOLDIER
It was a dreary afternoon as the storm clouds overhead continued to cross the war zone like an angry tide eager to roll through with a fury of destruction. A soldier lay almost paralyzed with fear of the enemy, and from multiple injuries received in battle. Slowly, guardedly crawling to safety, the soldier was suddenly plunging downward, falling, falling, falling into a grave of grief. After waking to reality, the soldier found herself buried alive, trapped within a tomb of devastation whose thick, dark walls intimidated her spirit, ground anxieties into her mind, and brought a sense of helplessness to her soul. She was a solitary soldier
drafted into war on the home-front battlefield.
Lynn
Copyright 1999
drafted into war on the home-front battlefield.
Lynn
Copyright 1999
SHARE/ DON'T COMPARE
The above is a brief description of the inner-workings of women who survive the traumatic horror of domestic violence. I share it with you from the standpoint of experience only. Yet this is just my story. You have a story that very well may be so different, yet you are relating closely with the Solitary Soldier. That is because
tragedy strikes the very core of a person's soul. What strikes me lightly, may effect you deeply. What is easier
for you to deal with could very well be one of the largest stumbling blocks I will ever come across. Each one of us is unique. No one is a carbon copy of another. Listen to their heart. Let them listen to yours. But my friend, when you share, never compare.
(think on that until next time)
Lynn
tragedy strikes the very core of a person's soul. What strikes me lightly, may effect you deeply. What is easier
for you to deal with could very well be one of the largest stumbling blocks I will ever come across. Each one of us is unique. No one is a carbon copy of another. Listen to their heart. Let them listen to yours. But my friend, when you share, never compare.
(think on that until next time)
Lynn
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
A STORM THAT ROCKED THE SEA
This story goes back to 1998. My husband and I had seperated for the third time, but I had gone back home to him. The same week I returned, I took a book and a lounge chair to the beach at the Isle of Palms to seek a peaceful day of relaxation, rest and "rays". All of the local children had returned to school so the beach was similar to a deserted isle. There were a total of twelve people up and down the beach as far as the eye could see.
As I began reading, the author was discussing the importance of not only liking yourself, but learning to love yourself. I looked up from the book and gazed at all that was around me. It was such a beautiful day! A wide, empty beach surrounded me; the sky was as clear as it could possibly be with a shade of blue that beckoned me to try to reach out and touch it so I could receive the comfort of which its appearence testified. It was as a soft, smooth blanket overhead protecting everything that was beneath it, stretching all the way to the horizon. Where the sky met the ocean the sun glistened on the water making it all appear to be sparkling jewels flickering with delight at their own beauty as they danced about atop the waves. Ships were traveling by; ocean liners carrying people to their dream vacation spots, fishing vessels with laborers anticipating the days catch, and shrimpers with their nets hoping the Jumbo's would be out that day. Oh, how I love the ocean! There is a rhythm in the tide that brings such a peace to my soul. Yet, the ocean is a mirror of life. Within the vastness of its expanse and depth lay secrets and treasures. Some will be discovered while others will always lie dormant, never to be used to their full potential. The ocean is very giving. As the tides come in and grace our beaches they often leave behind on our shores that which had once belonged only to the sea. But the ocean also takes away, for as the tide goes out the power of its force often steals away what was not its own. The ocean holds life within its belly, but when it is not respected the ocean can hurt, destroy and even take life away.
So it is, also, with humans.
This made me recall a time in my life when I had finally reached a place of contentment. Not only did I like myself, I had learned to love myself in a healthy, harmless way. I was so happy, so pleased, so at peace. Three years later I got married.
Days before I arrived on the beach with my chair and my book, I looked in the mirror for the first time in a long, long while. What I saw was a stranger staring back at me. I couldn't recognize who she was because I didn't know her anymore. She had heavy eyes with dark circles, a smile turned upside down, and an expression that told the story of having been beaten down in so many ways and stripped of all she had once known herself to be. When I saw this person I knew that whoever she was, I didn't like her.
Sitting there on the shore that day I realized that the storms that had invaded the beach of my life brought with it a powerful tide that crashed in, took what did not belong to it, destroyed what was not its own and even threatened to kill. Now that storm has passed, the clouds are beginning to disperse, but the slowly rising sun reveals the erosion of the beach--the life--that must be rebuilt. As I work on the rebuilding, I go in and check the mirror every now and again. I keep hoping that someday will be the first day that I can look in that mirror everyday.
Lynn
Copyright December 1999
As I began reading, the author was discussing the importance of not only liking yourself, but learning to love yourself. I looked up from the book and gazed at all that was around me. It was such a beautiful day! A wide, empty beach surrounded me; the sky was as clear as it could possibly be with a shade of blue that beckoned me to try to reach out and touch it so I could receive the comfort of which its appearence testified. It was as a soft, smooth blanket overhead protecting everything that was beneath it, stretching all the way to the horizon. Where the sky met the ocean the sun glistened on the water making it all appear to be sparkling jewels flickering with delight at their own beauty as they danced about atop the waves. Ships were traveling by; ocean liners carrying people to their dream vacation spots, fishing vessels with laborers anticipating the days catch, and shrimpers with their nets hoping the Jumbo's would be out that day. Oh, how I love the ocean! There is a rhythm in the tide that brings such a peace to my soul. Yet, the ocean is a mirror of life. Within the vastness of its expanse and depth lay secrets and treasures. Some will be discovered while others will always lie dormant, never to be used to their full potential. The ocean is very giving. As the tides come in and grace our beaches they often leave behind on our shores that which had once belonged only to the sea. But the ocean also takes away, for as the tide goes out the power of its force often steals away what was not its own. The ocean holds life within its belly, but when it is not respected the ocean can hurt, destroy and even take life away.
So it is, also, with humans.
This made me recall a time in my life when I had finally reached a place of contentment. Not only did I like myself, I had learned to love myself in a healthy, harmless way. I was so happy, so pleased, so at peace. Three years later I got married.
Days before I arrived on the beach with my chair and my book, I looked in the mirror for the first time in a long, long while. What I saw was a stranger staring back at me. I couldn't recognize who she was because I didn't know her anymore. She had heavy eyes with dark circles, a smile turned upside down, and an expression that told the story of having been beaten down in so many ways and stripped of all she had once known herself to be. When I saw this person I knew that whoever she was, I didn't like her.
Sitting there on the shore that day I realized that the storms that had invaded the beach of my life brought with it a powerful tide that crashed in, took what did not belong to it, destroyed what was not its own and even threatened to kill. Now that storm has passed, the clouds are beginning to disperse, but the slowly rising sun reveals the erosion of the beach--the life--that must be rebuilt. As I work on the rebuilding, I go in and check the mirror every now and again. I keep hoping that someday will be the first day that I can look in that mirror everyday.
Lynn
Copyright December 1999
WELCOME/ABOUT THE LINKS
Welcome!
Please, come on in, make yourself at home, be comfortable and relax. This is such an exciting day for me! You have been on my mind for what seems to be an endless amount of time. I know we have much in common, at least in the emotional experiences that life has a way of dictating. And what makes it more interesting is that we have all arrived at this same intersection by traveling along different paths while on the journey called "life". Don't be fooled into thinking that we can't relate to each other just because our different routes each held unique scenery and experiences. Perhaps my path had more chuckholes than yours, whereas your path may have had more curves or stretched out through what seemed like more endless valleys than did mine. These issues alone do not matter, my friend, because the end result for each of us lies within emotional pain. Some call it grief, others call it loss, and still others say it's just plain unfair. Now the question at this point may be, "What is the "it" that I'm referring to? Well, that is for you to answer. For some it may be the fall out of domestic violence. Yet others may have experienced the loss of a loved one through death or some other form of undesired seperation. Still others may have gone through sexual or spiritual assaults that seemed to steal their very soul. And yet even others may have experienced atrocities our minds are not able to envelope. Nonetheless, we can all leave our victim status behind by placing one foot ahead of the other, one step at a time, and enter into the place of survivor.
I AM A SURVIVOR! This is why I have invited you. If I were to have tucked my painful experiences away deep inside of my being, let the confusion life brought about in my mind stir me crazy, ignored the fact that how I handle anger is a choice, my friend, I would still be a victim and my first-hand experiences would have all been in vain. What a tragedy that in itself would have been and I long for you to avoid it as well. My hope is that from something I share, you may find within it for yourself, a springboard that will assist you in finding your own direction on the healing path to mend your shattered pieces.
If any of this sounds familiar to you;
If I have just placed a mirror in front of your face;
If you are living as a victim of negative circumstances that threaten to, or have already torn you down;
If this does not apply to you but does apply to someone you know;
OR
If you are just plain nosey and want to read how "the other half" live (lol) please follow my blog from this point forward. I promise you an interesting, educating, compassionate, humorous, freeing ride whose purpose is to remold you, revive you, and remind you of just how important you truly are to so many, in this circle called life.
ABOUT THE LINKS
It is my hope that as time goes on here in blogland, you will discover the value behind the links I have posted for your convenience. Each one of them have a certain degree of healing power. In one fashion or another, I have had the privilage of one on one communication with the people behind the links, and know you can greatly benefit from them in your healing journey.
> Through one of the links you will meet Malissa. She is a very, very strong woman and dear friend who has gone through unimaginable grief while receiving unexpected blessings. Listen to her heart as she speaks to you.
> At FlyingKitesGlobal you will see how my wonderul and fun friend Sara McAllister has found the true joy of helping others. You see, it's when we help others we are simultaneously helping ourselves. Go on now and take a peek. You will be glad you did.
> For those of you who need their help or are interested in facts and figures concerning the ever-growing popular act of domestic violence, I have posted a link to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. This topic falls into one of my own areas of first-hand experience.
> Now last but so, so very far from least I've included a life line (aka a link) to Suze Orman's website. Most of us know that Suze Orman is a bestselling author, a guru in the financial world, a motivational speaker and a television personality. What I find most exciting about her is that she is a real human being in that she cares very much about each person individually. Her goal is not just to see you "get rich", but rather, to help you be more so you can have more. People first, then money, then things. Let's be honest. Emotional grief creates depression. Depression often leads to excess spending. Excess spending leads to increased debt, which leads to heightened anxieties, which magnifies the grief and thus brings us in a full cirlce that may be never-ending. LET SUZE help you break that cycle. Check out her website by clicking on the link I've provided for you and get on the road to recovery. (And do not forsake checking out her scrapbooks while you are visiting. She is one fun, energetic, intelligent, giving, caring exciting person.)
> I have posted links so that you may follow each of us on twitter.com. Now that is a whole other world in itself that you will have to experience to understand!!! Yet, it is a great way for one on one communication.
This wraps it up for today, friends. I hope you will return. Please feel free to leave me your comments, questions or concerns.
Please, come on in, make yourself at home, be comfortable and relax. This is such an exciting day for me! You have been on my mind for what seems to be an endless amount of time. I know we have much in common, at least in the emotional experiences that life has a way of dictating. And what makes it more interesting is that we have all arrived at this same intersection by traveling along different paths while on the journey called "life". Don't be fooled into thinking that we can't relate to each other just because our different routes each held unique scenery and experiences. Perhaps my path had more chuckholes than yours, whereas your path may have had more curves or stretched out through what seemed like more endless valleys than did mine. These issues alone do not matter, my friend, because the end result for each of us lies within emotional pain. Some call it grief, others call it loss, and still others say it's just plain unfair. Now the question at this point may be, "What is the "it" that I'm referring to? Well, that is for you to answer. For some it may be the fall out of domestic violence. Yet others may have experienced the loss of a loved one through death or some other form of undesired seperation. Still others may have gone through sexual or spiritual assaults that seemed to steal their very soul. And yet even others may have experienced atrocities our minds are not able to envelope. Nonetheless, we can all leave our victim status behind by placing one foot ahead of the other, one step at a time, and enter into the place of survivor.
I AM A SURVIVOR! This is why I have invited you. If I were to have tucked my painful experiences away deep inside of my being, let the confusion life brought about in my mind stir me crazy, ignored the fact that how I handle anger is a choice, my friend, I would still be a victim and my first-hand experiences would have all been in vain. What a tragedy that in itself would have been and I long for you to avoid it as well. My hope is that from something I share, you may find within it for yourself, a springboard that will assist you in finding your own direction on the healing path to mend your shattered pieces.
If any of this sounds familiar to you;
If I have just placed a mirror in front of your face;
If you are living as a victim of negative circumstances that threaten to, or have already torn you down;
If this does not apply to you but does apply to someone you know;
OR
If you are just plain nosey and want to read how "the other half" live (lol) please follow my blog from this point forward. I promise you an interesting, educating, compassionate, humorous, freeing ride whose purpose is to remold you, revive you, and remind you of just how important you truly are to so many, in this circle called life.
ABOUT THE LINKS
It is my hope that as time goes on here in blogland, you will discover the value behind the links I have posted for your convenience. Each one of them have a certain degree of healing power. In one fashion or another, I have had the privilage of one on one communication with the people behind the links, and know you can greatly benefit from them in your healing journey.
> Through one of the links you will meet Malissa. She is a very, very strong woman and dear friend who has gone through unimaginable grief while receiving unexpected blessings. Listen to her heart as she speaks to you.
> At FlyingKitesGlobal you will see how my wonderul and fun friend Sara McAllister has found the true joy of helping others. You see, it's when we help others we are simultaneously helping ourselves. Go on now and take a peek. You will be glad you did.
> For those of you who need their help or are interested in facts and figures concerning the ever-growing popular act of domestic violence, I have posted a link to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. This topic falls into one of my own areas of first-hand experience.
> Now last but so, so very far from least I've included a life line (aka a link) to Suze Orman's website. Most of us know that Suze Orman is a bestselling author, a guru in the financial world, a motivational speaker and a television personality. What I find most exciting about her is that she is a real human being in that she cares very much about each person individually. Her goal is not just to see you "get rich", but rather, to help you be more so you can have more. People first, then money, then things. Let's be honest. Emotional grief creates depression. Depression often leads to excess spending. Excess spending leads to increased debt, which leads to heightened anxieties, which magnifies the grief and thus brings us in a full cirlce that may be never-ending. LET SUZE help you break that cycle. Check out her website by clicking on the link I've provided for you and get on the road to recovery. (And do not forsake checking out her scrapbooks while you are visiting. She is one fun, energetic, intelligent, giving, caring exciting person.)
> I have posted links so that you may follow each of us on twitter.com. Now that is a whole other world in itself that you will have to experience to understand!!! Yet, it is a great way for one on one communication.
This wraps it up for today, friends. I hope you will return. Please feel free to leave me your comments, questions or concerns.
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