A STORM THAT ROCKED THE SEA

This story goes back to 1998. My husband and I had seperated for the third time, but I had gone back home to him. The same week I returned, I took a book and a lounge chair to the beach at the Isle of Palms to seek a peaceful day of relaxation, rest and "rays". All of the local children had returned to school so the beach was similar to a deserted isle. There were a total of twelve people up and down the beach as far as the eye could see.
As I began reading, the author was discussing the importance of not only liking yourself, but learning to love yourself. I looked up from the book and gazed at all that was around me. It was such a beautiful day! A wide, empty beach surrounded me; the sky was as clear as it could possibly be with a shade of blue that beckoned me to try to reach out and touch it so I could receive the comfort of which its appearence testified. It was as a soft, smooth blanket overhead protecting everything that was beneath it, stretching all the way to the horizon. Where the sky met the ocean the sun glistened on the water making it all appear to be sparkling jewels flickering with delight at their own beauty as they danced about atop the waves. Ships were traveling by; ocean liners carrying people to their dream vacation spots, fishing vessels with laborers anticipating the days catch, and shrimpers with their nets hoping the Jumbo's would be out that day. Oh, how I love the ocean! There is a rhythm in the tide that brings such a peace to my soul. Yet, the ocean is a mirror of life. Within the vastness of its expanse and depth lay secrets and treasures. Some will be discovered while others will always lie dormant, never to be used to their full potential. The ocean is very giving. As the tides come in and grace our beaches they often leave behind on our shores that which had once belonged only to the sea. But the ocean also takes away, for as the tide goes out the power of its force often steals away what was not its own. The ocean holds life within its belly, but when it is not respected the ocean can hurt, destroy and even take life away.
So it is, also, with humans.
This made me recall a time in my life when I had finally reached a place of contentment. Not only did I like myself, I had learned to love myself in a healthy, harmless way. I was so happy, so pleased, so at peace. Three years later I got married.
Days before I arrived on the beach with my chair and my book, I looked in the mirror for the first time in a long, long while. What I saw was a stranger staring back at me. I couldn't recognize who she was because I didn't know her anymore. She had heavy eyes with dark circles, a smile turned upside down, and an expression that told the story of having been beaten down in so many ways and stripped of all she had once known herself to be. When I saw this person I knew that whoever she was, I didn't like her.
Sitting there on the shore that day I realized that the storms that had invaded the beach of my life brought with it a powerful tide that crashed in, took what did not belong to it, destroyed what was not its own and even threatened to kill. Now that storm has passed, the clouds are beginning to disperse, but the slowly rising sun reveals the erosion of the beach--the life--that must be rebuilt. As I work on the rebuilding, I go in and check the mirror every now and again. I keep hoping that someday will be the first day that I can look in that mirror everyday.

Lynn

Copyright December 1999